You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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