Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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