Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
