This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
