Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
