Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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