check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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