i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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