It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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