Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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