capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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