Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
