I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
