This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
