my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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