Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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