i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
