sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
