I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
