It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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