eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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