i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
