Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
