He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He has the fingertips of a God
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