she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
