ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize