he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
