there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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