so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
