i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
