East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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