Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
