I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
