i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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