I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
