my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
