Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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