If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
