She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
