I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
