Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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