I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
