The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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