All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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