I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
