if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
