I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
