the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Small penises have feelings too.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
