I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
