I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
