Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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