I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
