We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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