so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
