When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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