i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
